Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she peed on how many people?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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