Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
