We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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