kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The Olympian is in my bed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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