wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's the barista slut.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
