oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
