I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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