It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
