you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
