Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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