Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
