Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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