I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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