You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
