Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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