You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
