What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
