God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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