Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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