Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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