Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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