apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
