Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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