i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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