I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
