What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
