Four minutes until I can fart!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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