Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
