I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
