IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
