well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
