there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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