Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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