I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
