The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize