a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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