My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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