Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
