Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
