i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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