There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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