remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
