She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
