I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
