Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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