am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
