Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think weed is turning my hair brown
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
