Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
