Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
