Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
