i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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