Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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