She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
