whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
