i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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