My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
