I need to stop coming to work sober
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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