I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
