If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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