SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
