I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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