Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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