it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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