They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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