So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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