Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
