why didn't you poke me back
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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