Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
