My liver just broke up with me...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
