I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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