So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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