I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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