look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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