I hate your face
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
