i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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