Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
