I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
