I cannot find my penis.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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