Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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