last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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