operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
