i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
