walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
