He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
