Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize