my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
