Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
